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We’re Only Human…

August 3, 2010

It’s confessional time here at Carrie’s Canvas…..

I just haven’t quite been my normal, optimistic, enthusiastic self this past week.  Some would say I’ve been emotional, needy,  sensitive, anxious and full of doubts.

They would be right!

No one seems to have written the handbook on how to relocate to a foreign country and not lose your mind!  I’ve searched the internet high and low, asked countless friends and family.  Yet this tell-all relocation handbook which I’m so desperately searching for continues to elude me.

Most of you know how focused I’ve been on making this move to Ireland a success.  I tilled the ground, planted the seeds, fertilized the plants as they began to sprout and carefully monitored their process.  Sounds like I’ve got it all under control, right? 

Wrong!!

And so you ask — where did Carrie go astray?  Ah-ha, my friends, here is the issue.  As I watched my dreams take root and quickly come to life, I began to fear for their future.  What if something were to go wrong?  What if life were to swoop in and cut those dreams down to their infancy? 

Just as soon as I began to fear the potentially negative future, well wouldn’t you know it, I began to relive the failures of my past.  Oh yes, remember the time when this ambition didn’t turn out as I planned.  Or what about that failed relationship? 

I tripped, I stumbled over my own doubts and insecurities.  I lost sight of my own heart’s true desires.

Thankfully, this past weekend with the help of family and friends, I’ve been slowly reversing this downward spiral.  Here are a few things I have come to understand….

1)  Fear is Normal —- That’s right folks! Fear is not only normal but also to be expected in times of intense change and transformation.  Embrace it, love it – just don’t hang onto it for too long.

2)  Courage is not about doing things you’re not scared of.  Oh no…Courage is being scared of doing something but doing it anyways.  Did I mention the fact that despite my fears, there is nothing in this universe that would stop me from moving to Ireland?  Nothing, I tell you.  Absolutely nothing!!!

3)  If you don’t leave yourself open to the hurt, then unfortunately, the good stuff will never come.  There are many ways to scale the mountain but really, you must be willing to open your heart and take a risk if you ever expect to experience true love and happiness. 

4)  True stability lies within myself —- My happiness is not dependent on the country where I live, the work which occupies my time or the man I choose to love.  Oh no… My true happiness comes from within…

5)  I Have Everything I Need in This Given Moment —- My sister reminded me of this quote from a Course in Miracles just this very evening.  All the strength and wisdom which I search for, all the tools and resources which I long to utilize…they all reside deep inside of me or easily within my grasp. 

And so after a week of Carrie slowly losing her marbles, I dare say that she’s finally starting to get her groove back!

Cheers to us all for simply being human sometimes and loving ourselves in spite of it!!

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Coping With Judgement

July 10, 2010

I’ve been listening to the new Sara Bareilles release “King of Anything” nonstop these past few days.  It’s the first single off her upcoming album Kaleidoscope Heart, set to hit stores in September, 2010.

We all find theme songs which act as living anthems for whatever issue it is we’re coping with at any given moment.  Love, grief, angst…you name it, there’s a song for any and all of your moods!

“King of Anything” is my own personal anthem in response to those who have recently questioned the “Who, What, When, Where, Why” of my upcoming move to Ireland.  These individuals have challenged my motives and modus operandi tenfold.

Upon thinking about these friends, I’m struck by how easy it is to judge another person and their situation through the lens of our own reality.  If it doesn’t feel right for me then it must not be right for my neighbor.

Furthermore, society persuades us to live by a group mentality versus truly encouraging and celebrating individuality.  Safety lies in the plural not the single digits.

“Who cares if you disagree, you are not me, who made you king of anything?” sings Ms Bareilles about those who dare question her.  And I must admit that I’ve secretly asked the same thing of my detractors over and over again recently.

Still…despite the slight backlash, I’m not harboring a grudge against those who would see me operating differently.  We’re talking about releasing judgement of others here.  Life is too short.  There’s simply no time for anything but forgiveness and positivity.

My Independence

July 4, 2010

It’s the Independence Day holiday weekend here in America.  Most people are thinking about the birthplace of our nation and the leaders who helped us get there.  As for me though, I’ve been ruminating on my own newfound Independence:  Independence from my own self defeating thoughts and emotions.

It’s been  a monumental year in the life of Carrie Stiers as many of you reading this may already know.  I’ve made some major shifts.  Perhaps the most important of them all was the decision to finally make a move to the Emerald Isle.  But making this decision has been fraught with feelings of uncertainty and fear.  One day it finally dawned on me though.  Feeling fear was simply a choice — and one which I could easily liberate myself from.

Gaining freedom from the confinement of the ego is a tricky task.  Most people believe they are slaves to their own thoughts and emotions.  Or so they think.  In all reality though, we choose how we’re going to interpret each thought and where each thought is directed.  The same holds true for emotions.  We control the emotion…the emotion does not own us.

Just the other day, a wave of anxiety hit me about the relocation.  In the past, I would have simply allowed myself to become entrenched in the emotion thereby causing great distress to myself and consequently others around me.  On this occasion though, I purposefully discarded the emotion thereby alleviating the anxiety.  Simple though it may sound, I chose not to be anxious.

Practicing emotional discipline has truly liberated me from the notion that my thoughts and emotions control me.  They only have the degree of power in which I entrust in them.

So on this special holiday, I ask each of you to consider that which controls you as an individual.  Perhaps it is time to seek your own liberation…

The Wisdom of Laverne & Shirley

June 30, 2010

We’re gonna do it!

Give us any chance, we’ll take it.
Give us any rule, we’ll break it.
We’re gonna make our dreams come true.
Doin’ it our way.

Nothin’s gonna turn us back now,
Straight ahead and on the track now.
We’re gonna make our dreams come true,
Doin’ it our way.

There is nothing we won’t try,
Never heard the word impossible.
This time there’s no stopping us.
We’re gonna do it.

On your mark, get set, and go now,
Got a dream and we just know now,
We’re gonna make our dream come true.

And we’ll do it our way, yes our way.
Make all our dreams come true,
And do it our way, yes our way,
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you.

Annestown Beach, County Waterford, Ireland

June 24, 2010

And So I Walk…

June 24, 2010

I must confess that I normally come to this space with a very specific idea in mind of what I wish to write about.  I’ve charted the course in advance, navigated all the twists and turns, and plotted the outcome. 

Tis not the way it’s going to be this evening.  Tonight, we’re rambling around the countryside…taking one side road after another until we reach our final destination together.

As many of you are aware, I’ve been a traveling woman as of late.  Just returned from two weeks in the Motherland of Ireland where I hope to reside someday soon.  It’s a trip that I’ll write about in much more detail in another time and space.  Too many amazing tales to be told, laughs to be shared and sights to be viewed through the lens of my weary mind. 

What I can tell you about that trip is that I learned a poignant lesson: Always trust your intuition and never, ever give up on a hunch. 

When I was a little girl, growing up on my daddy’s Indiana farm, I dreamed of that island across the Atlantic.  I knew it held significance to my life even when others thought me wild and flat out crazy.  I walked up and down our dusty country lane with images of the day in which I would escape the farm’s confinement. 

Little did I know there would be detours on my journey.  Indianapolis, Los Angeles, St. Petersburg.  These were not places I plotted on my map of life’s journey’s at the ripe age of 10 years old.  But they were indeed essential to helping me realize my true worth and for helping me give birth to my dream of living in Ireland time and time again.

So here I stand barefoot on the wet, sandy shores of Florida.  The door to my future stands open before me.  There’s a Tim, a Paul, a Ray, an Evert and a Lisa all beckoning me from the other side.

I take my first steps….

Who Sets The Standard?

May 13, 2010

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